"We forget very easily that which gives us pain." -Graham Greene (The Ministry of Fear)
So I made it to Venice and had the best first week ever: my parents and sister were in town, we stayed in a great place, ate lots of fabulous food, rarely got lost because of my dad Irwin’s impeccable navigational skills, played loads of scrabble, laughed endlessly as my family tends to do when we are together, went into every food market we passed, (one of my and my mom Dana’s favorite pastimes, specifically when abroad,) and discovered the city that I will call home for the next three months.
Now they are gone and I am sitting alone in my dingy apartment. (Ramon, maybe I should have taken you up on your offer to help me with my apartment search!) I have that feeling of intense pain in my heart – you know, the kind that makes your chest throb, as your throat closes and your eyes tear… Perhaps it’s the fact that my family has just left, perhaps it’s that my apartment is not the glamorous palazzo I imagined, perhaps it’s the fact that I was not with my boyfriend, Alexander, on New Years Eve, (though he called at midnight Italy time which made me quite happy,) perhaps it’s the dreary weather, (aqua alta all the time,) the anticipation of beginning work, the discomfort of having to start fresh, or all of the above, but whatever it is and however soon it passes, boy is it real right now!
Yesterday my sister, Talia, taught me something very interesting. In Spanish they have two words that mean “to be.” One is meant to indicate a permanent status, (ie: I am from New York, or I am a sister and a daughter,) and the other a temporary status, (ie: I am very sad, confused, and/or lonely). She brought this point up to remind me of the transience of emotions – the feelings I have right now will pass as I settle into Venetian life, make friends, get into my work routine, and channel a dear family friend Linda White, (who brought the Peggy Guggenheim internship to my awareness,) in order to find all of the city’s hidden treasures…
But in the mean time, all I can think about is the funny ways of the mind… Despite the fact that I’ve never liked being away from home – I didn’t particularly enjoy sleep-away camp as a kid, I had my fill of college in Michigan after three years, wonderful as the experience was, and even when I go on lengthy vacations, by the end there’s nowhere I’d rather be than back in NYC with my family – here I am, on yet another none New York adventure, longing to be back in my city with the people I love most. Somehow my mind tricked me into forgetting how painful transitions are and how painful it is for me to be away from home, so that I’d embark, without hesitation or fear, on this journey, to learn about modern art, the art I am most passionate about, museum work, the field I hope to go into, and myself, both the person I am now and the person I aspire to be…
On that note, thank you to all the wonderful people who helped make the PGC internship a possibility for me, and thank you to all of the people who encouraged me to take the position. Can’t wait to share some happier news with you soon!
To a wonderful new year, filled with health, happiness, and even some of those painful moments that ultimately lead to growth and learning…
I hope you don't mind my commenting -- I don't really even know you that well, but your dad linked me to your blog, and it really made me smile, especially the wet Venice weather.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was first out of college I was an editorial assistant at Harper and Row, where there was an older, semi-retired editor named Frances Lindley. She was in her 80s, and had been sort of shunted down the hall into a little office with no window and no associate, but she still had tremendous style and energy -- smoked grandly, hobnobbed both with great literature and with cultural buccaneers (a favorite word of hers) of every stripe. And every winter in December and January, when less intrepid peers were flying to Miami, she pulled on her rubber boots and went, quite alone, to Venice. I have never forgotten her descriptions of walking through the world I saw in those gold and silvery Whistler paintings of Venice; they sent me to read Ruskin and eventually to visit Venice on our honeymoon, a great pleasure.
How excellent for you to get to spend time with modern artists in a city full of classical buildings! Sketch a lot while you are there if you can -- soak up a lot of beauty, especially on lonely days. (eating beautiful food counts, too.)